Thread:RCM9698/@comment-25132749-20161215190227/@comment-29707934-20170218223835

Well, it's not that I think that villains necessary have to be related or something, but that's indeed what makes Stacy's mom stand out. It just creates dramatic tension when the villains and the heroes have some connections or similarities. Just think about the many "you are like me" villain speeches. I would rather see Stacy kill her than the supercomputer, but that's up to you.

You have to be careful when writing about human brain replacement. It can create a lot of plot holes if done incorrectly. As always, it it isn't going to place a substantial role, I would just leave it out. You've plenty of plot elements already. The brain/soul analogy is a good one though.

The backstory for the MC/Stacy works I guess and can lead to some interesting conflict early on. I also wouldn't make the elf the leader of the Void Mirrors. That's a bit much and ruins interesting negotations. Make her the their leaders daughter/sister or something. I can't say much about the prince (except maybe again a bit much), but I would leave out another family connection. Their are plenty of familial problems already.

I would change the name to just S.A.T.R.I.N. Over to the next story.

Regardless where it the name came from, I would still change it. The characters making fun of it could work once, but you still have to read it throughout the entire story. Also, you do love your family drama. The running joke with the farmer certainly has potential.

The backstory works, but why do friends follow her frome Japan. That's not exactly next door, you have to have a good explanation for that one. It's a good idea to connect the organizations through the father and son, but they should also be in some form of contact beforehand. The locations from the headquarters work too.

My main point of criticism is again that you don't seem to know exactly what kind of story you want to write, and use way to many elements that interest you. While some certainly have potential, if you use to much it just becomes a unorganized mess that feels random. Even large fictional universes have to be build gradually over time, and have some thematic consistency. You can't just throw in elements from Star Wars, Blade Runner, Harry Potter, Half-Life, the Lord of the Rings and traditional fairy tales among other and expect it the be a great story because it uses many good story elements along with several of your own ideas. Again, their has to be a clear and consistent narrative, tone and universe even if the elements themselves are complex.